Last Words

A friend of mine said she wished she had known that the last time she saw her son was the last time she’d ever see him. She couldn't remember exactly when it was. It got me thinking about what I would have said to Kirsten if I had known it was the last time I'd ever see her. How would I have spent my time with her?  I am so thankful that I spent most of Kirsten's last day with her and I got to say some of what I would have wanted to, had I known it would be my last chance.






We started out at Chipotle in Germantown, one of Kirsten’s favorite restaurants and now one of mine, too. She had a chicken burrito, which she hardly ate half of. 
We sat in a secluded part of the restaurant, at a counter facing the window with reggae music playing in the background. For some reason, I was compelled to tell her about the day she was born. I told her how she had been special from the very moment she was born. She didn’t look like the other babies, she wasn’t red and skinny and wrinkly. I remembered the moment they handed her to me and being surprised that she had such a healthy, normal skin tone and that it looked like she was a few days old already. She was perfect.

I told her that she continued that way, always so pretty... that I could still picture her at about age four as clearly as if it were yesterday, with those long, pretty, blond wisps of hair that always escaped her ponytail and fell around her face. 

She told me how she had started sharing my love of reggae and that she really wanted to go to my favorite resort in Jamaica. I thought someday we would go. As she walked to the soda fountain to refill her drink, I admired how good she looked in her black yoga pants.


Next we went to Solar Planet, where she used to work, so she could tan. She used the points package and lotion I had gotten her as a surprise for her to use on spring break. I waited while she tanned, then we went next door to Hallmark to buy Michelle’s birthday card. Kirsten took a little detour through the Vera Bradley section and really wanted to get something. She looked at purses and luggage, which were more than I wanted to spend, and finally settled on a small black and red wristlet, which I bought for her. The police returned it the next day with her personal effects. 


Then we went to Best Buy and bought three episodes of How I Met Your Mother for Michelle. That evening, the four of us celebrated Michelle’s birthday with dinner at Mi Rancho. It turned out to be Kirsten’s last meal. Kirsten and I sat across from each other in the booth. We ordered the same thing, steak fajitas. We had a lot of the same tastes...in food, clothing and music. We came home, Michelle opened her gifts and we watched a couple episodes of How I Met Your Mother together before Kenny and I went to bed. I kissed and said goodnight to Michelle and then I kissed Kirsten on her head and said the last words I would ever say to her…”Love you, goodnight.”


Sometimes I try to think of the small blessings that can be found even in the midst of this horrible tragedy. I feel so thankful that on Kirsten’s last day, I got to tell her how special she had always been to me, I got to buy her a gift, eat her last meal with her, kiss her and tell her I loved her.  I guess there are worse ways to leave it.